Friends, the first-ever Memoir Magazine #MeToo Essay Award was more than a writing contest. It is about using your voice to overcome silencing and change the culture and therefore we at Memoir Magazine cannot stress enough how much each and every contributor is a winner as survivors who were once voiceless blaze new trails together.

There is a saying, “All roads lead to Rome.” All paths or activities lead to the center of things. This was literally true in the days of the Roman Empire, when all the empire’s roads radiated out from the capital city, Rome. It is equally true today though, as all survivors and organizations’ efforts are ultimately leading toward the to creation of a culture of respect, equality, and safety.

It is my hope that by sharing these essays with all of you and with the world, these common treads that bind us can be known and identified most of all by ourselves, but also by teachers, law enforcement and caretakers, so that future generations will not have to endure the same suffering through lack of understanding of the life-long effects of sexual abuse and domestic violence on survivors, families, and society.

We have included Discussion Questions at the bottom of each winning essay and we welcome teachers and group facilitators to use them for discussions of Sexual Assault Awareness, as well as readers to comment on and join the discussion. Share these essays with your friends and family and lets stop the silence once and for all.

Furthermore, I’d like to thank our judge Chelsey Clammer and our dedicated staff and readers: Matthew Battista, Prarthana Banikya, Michele Gutierrez, Jessica Parker, and Rea Donato. We all had a very difficult time reading these and choosing from so many meaningful emotional journeys. To quote submitter, Kelly A. Dorgan, it’s true, the review of over 300 essays has been “simultaneously transformative, exhausting, heartbreaking, and exhilarating.”

These brave submissions ran the gamut from childhood Sexual Abuse and Incest to Domestic Abuse, College Dorm Rapes, Sexual Harassment, Professional Impropriety, Gas-lighting and Abuse of Power, to Addiction, Self-harm, and perhaps most surprising, the extent to which the rampant use of Date Rape Drugs has spread unchecked at this time.

Moreover, I am deeply grateful for the many letters of support from writer/survivors for this contest stands for, what it has meant to each individual to be heard. This is a testament to the power of memoir to heal not just the reader, but the writer as well. For it is what we do with these events that continue to define our lives.

To these writers: I stand tall and I say, “#MeToo.”

Through it all, I could not help but see myself in every one of your stories. Not just in the events themselves, but in the horrific aftermath as well; my own symptoms of abuse were mirrored in nearly 90% of the submissions–PTSD, self harm, suicidal ideations, addiction, confusion, panic attacks, poor relationships and crushing self-doubt.

As a survivor myself of childhood sexual abuse, adult sexual violence and domestic violence, these stories have made me feel a part of something bigger than my own pain. They have triggered long dormant memories, helped me look squarely at my own life and realize the shocking extent of my own silencing. They have shown me how nearly inevitable it is that a first instance of assault leads to multiple forms of abuse throughout a lifetime.

I see now how much of my past decisions have been based on fear; fear of the pedophile step-father and grandfather, the narcissistic rapist x-husband, and even fear of my own truth and power. One man terrorized me so much that I took our son and ran away to another country! An action–made possible by a cocktail of intimidation, marital rape, severe depression, PTSD and an almost total lack of knowledge of Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence laws at the time–that landed me one year in prison—which, although traumatic in itself, was significantly better than the torture chamber of that marriage.

I spent the last decade in therapy (when I could afford it), while living in constant fear; afraid that he might pop up again at anytime to harm me physically, further harm my reputation, my family and friendships with his awe-inspiring blitzkriegs of unchecked manipulation, slander, and gas-lighting. Feeling like some kind of Trojan Horse for his malicious actions, I made no new friendships and neglected my old ones; I could not bear the pain of losing them again or the guilt of having him complicate the lives of my loved ones for his agendas. Instead of being happy and living up to my true potential, I felt unworthy and I watched my dreams go by as if on a carousel. And it has taken me ten years to distill this paralyzing experience into two paragraphs.

I also see how remaining silent and living in constant fear has gravely affected my own health and well-being. Not his. It created a spiral of shame and regret within me so profound I did not even know it was happening–until I saw myself, my real beautiful self, mirrored in all the courageous people in all these essays. After a decade of isolation, I forgive myself and I will no longer live in fear. Seeing the courage of these writer/survivors (men and women) has shown me that I have the strength to stand up for my truth, to show up for myself and for others. They have given me the courage to confront those ghosts and wrestle them to the page, laying them to rest once and for all. For this I thank you, all the writers.

Together, we have won, because we have beat the one thing these tragic events most tried to do: silence us. Keep using your voice!

For those of you still living with this, I give you these stories for you to know that you are not alone and a list of resources is available here.

Sincerely Yours in the Fight,

Founder and Editor-in-Chief

Memoir Magazine